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Matty's upgraded site
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Funny And Weird Stuff
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Weird Websites
Ralph Wiggum's Words of Wisdom
Hi, Principal Skinner! Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers.
And I want a bike and a monkey and
a friend for the monkey.
Eww, Daddy, this tastes like Gramma!
I bent my wookie.
Lisa's bad dancing makes
my feet sad.
That's where I saw the Leprechaun. He tells me to burn things.
Look Big Daddy, it's Regular Daddy.
Look,
Daddy, a whale egg!
Daddy, I'm scared. Too scared to wet my pants.
My cat's name is Mittens.
This snowflake
tastes like fish sticks.
My parents won't let me use scissors.
Slow down, Bart! My legs don't know how to be
as long as yours.
When I grow up I wanna be a Principal or a Caterpillar.
Principal Skinner, I got carsick in
your office.
Dear Miss Hoover, you have Lyme disease. We miss you. Kevin is biting me. Come back soon. Here's a drawing
of a spirokeet. Love Ralph
Bushes are nice 'cause they don't have prickers. Unless they do. This one did. Ouch!
I
dress myself.
This is my sandbox, I'm not allowed to go in the deep end.
The doctor told me that BOTH my eyes
were lazy! And that's why it was the best summer ever.
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
He's gonna smell
like hot dogs.
Miss Hoover, I glued my head to my shoulders.
When I grow up I'm going to Bovine University.
I
ate too much plastic candy.
I ate all my caps...ow!
I found a moon rock in my nose!
I'm wearing a bathrobe,
and I'm not even sick.
Will you cook my dinner for me? My parents aren't around and I'm not allowed to turn on the
stove.
You have the bestest Dad. He read me a story about Chinese food.
Miss Hoover, there's a dog in the vent.
Me
fail English? That's unpossible.
My face is on fire.
The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nosebleeds if I
kept my finger out of there.
Your hair is tall...and pretty!
Wheeee... ow I bit my tongue.
It tastes
like ... burning.
Oh boy, sleep! That's where I'm a Viking!
Was president Lincoln okay?
I'm Idaho!
And
when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life.
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Jokes
Brooklyn Beckham's Diary
Monday:
Today dad was trying to do a puzzle of a tiger. An hour later he was still trying, until Uncle
Alex came round and told him to put the Frosties back in the box.
Saddam Hussain
Where does saddam hussain puts his CDs? In a rack!
What was the first thing saddam hussain said when he came out of the spider hole? Did i beat david blane?
10 things to do at someone else's house
1.Tell them you are going to the toilet and search in their rooms
2.never use their
toilet you will be blamed for a floater!
3.never tell them that they should clean up before you arive they will forever
insult you about it
4.turn the fridge upside down when they are not there and when they get there tell them you have
to go.
5.if you break an ornement remember one thing
BLUE TACK FIXES EVERYTHING
6.offer to cook them dinner
and then shout to them OH MY GOD YOUR FRIDGE IS UPSIDE DOWN!!!!
7.if you stay the night remember they will know you
if have orderd for a porn site to be available
8.never take in a prostitute for the night they will know if they are
or not.
9.take in a universal remote control and have some fun when they are watching tv.
10.invite the police
round and tell them it's a strip club.
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WATER VS COKE
WATER
75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated.
(This likely applies to half the world population.)
In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is
often mistaken for hunger.
Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%.
One glass of
water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied (in a University of Washington study).
Lack
of water is the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.
Preliminary research indicates that 8 to 10 glasses of water a day could
significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.
A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term
memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page.
Drinking 5 glasses
of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50%
less likely to develop bladder cancer.
COKE
In many states the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway
after a car accident.
You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of Coke and it will be gone in two days.
To clean
a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric
acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.
To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with
a rumpled-up piece of aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.
To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can
of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.
To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola
to the rusted bolt for several minutes.
To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the
ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix
with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.
To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of Coke into a load of greasy
clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains.
Coke will also
clean road haze from your windshield.
FOR YOUR INFORMATION:
The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about four
days. Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major contributor to the rising increase in osteoporosis.
To
carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the "Hazardous Material" place cards reserved for highly
corrosive materials.
The distributors of Coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20
years!
Now the question is, would YOU like a glass of water
or Coke?
My new site
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